A to Z of Overlooked Movies

This whole post is about movies. In particular, I'm talking about movies that may have slipped under your radar. Here are some of my favorites spanning every letter of the alphabet.

A
Arbitrage (2012)
Drama
Rotten Tomatoes: 86%
Directed by Nicholas Jarecki

I like movies where everybody's wearing a suit. A good corporate drama plays out like Die Hard only with a different set of rules. Victory means closing a deal or clearing your name. Defeat means the end of your life as you know it.

Arbitrage is right there with Michael Clayton (2007) at the pinnacle of suit-and-tie flicks. Richard Gere plays a more likeable version of Donald Trump--a banking mogul whose simple path to closing out a merger suddenly swerves sideways. Never has a billionaire felt more relatable. And, for my money, never has Gere been as effective.

Watch the trailer for Arbitrage

B
Blue Ruin (2013)
Suspense
Rotten Tomatoes: 96%
Directed by Jeremy Saulnier

Blue Ruin is a man's story of revenge that quickly flips itself over several times leaving him running for his life through rural Virginia. The film creates an unlikely protagonist in Dwight, an often-inept drifter, then leaves him for dead in sequence after sequence of off-the-charts tension. Give yourself an hour afterwards to decompress. Watching Blue Ruin is a taxing experience.

Watch the trailer for Blue Ruin

C
City Lights (1931)
Romantic Comedy
Rotten Tomatoes: 98%
Directed by Charlie Chaplin

There may not be another movie that holds up as well as City Lights. Yes, it's a landmark in film history, but let's put snobbery aside for a minute and talk pure enjoyment. My wife and I started City Lights a few weeks ago and not only did it hold our attention more than most movies these days, it had us going back to re-watch several scenes later.

Silent star Charlie Chaplin made Lights just as sound was beginning its permanent takeover in cinema. Seeing him here is like watching a master chef cook his last meal. You can tell how perfect he wants it and, luckily for us, he's made an extra plate.

Give City Lights a shot if you haven't already. I guarantee, 75 years later, you will laugh out loud all the way up to its romantic finale--a scene that may be the most devastating in movie history.

Watch City Lights in its entirety

D
The Descent (2005)
Horror
Rotten Tomatoes: 85%
Directed by Neil Marshall

Keep this one in your back pocket for when your significant other wants to go on that spelunking trip and you want to stay home. You will win.

Sheesh. The Descent is not fun.

Watch the tailer for The Descent

E
Enemy (2014)
Suspense
Rotten Tomatoes: 75%
Directed by Denis Villeneuve

I watched Enemy one night, thought it was pretty cool and went on with my life. Cut to about a week later and I'm still thinking about Enemy every day. Maybe that's the true test of a movie: It doesn't care what you think, it's here and it's staying.

There's an urban legend that every person in the world has a doppelganger. Enemy runs with the idea and places both lookalikes in the same city until they find one another. The resulting creepiness is quietly Denis Villeneuve's (Prisoners, Sicario) best work.

Watch the trailer for Enemy

F
Fantastic Mr. Fox (2009)
Family
Rotten Tomatoes: 92%
Directed by Wes Anderson

George Clooney leads perhaps the most star-studded cast of voices ever assembled to tell the story of animals banding together to take down big agriculture--but really, a son just wants his dad's love. Movies don't get much warmer than this.

Watch the trailer for Fantastic Mr. Fox

G
Good Kill (2014)
Drama
Rotten Tomatoes: 75%
Directed by Andrew Niccol

Similar to Enemy, Good Kill sticks around longer than you think it will. The future of drone warfare is here and humans aren't ready for it.

Watch the trailer for Good Kill


H
Hitman Hart: Wrestling with Shadows (1998)
Documentary
Rotten Tomatoes: No score available
Directed by Paul Jay

Here comes a steel chair of truth: Hitman Hart: Wrestling with Shadows is one of the best documentaries ever made. I threw it on with a friend one night for some laughs before going out. We did laugh some. An hour later, we were dead quiet. The rest of the night we kept talking about it.

Even non-wrestling fans will find plenty to chew on in this story about an entertainer's quest for purpose and respect. For anyone who watched WWE in the 90s, it is essential viewing.

Shadows will make you laugh and it will nearly wreck you. It's an astonishing film. By the end, I was left wondering how much harder it would hit if the cameras were still there a year later following the unexpected death of Hart's younger brother.

Watch the trailer for Hitman Hart: Wrestling with Shadows

Watch Hitman Hart: Wrestling with Shadows in its entirety

I
It Follows (2014)
Horror
Rotten Tomatoes: 97%
Directed by David Robert Mitchell

It's a shame some movies have to end. While It Follows may not close out as strongly as it starts, it does expertly channel that feeling we all know when thinking about the mistakes we've made finally catching up with us: Absolute dread.

Watch the trailer for It Follows

J
Jackie Brown (1997)
Drama
Rotten Tomatoes: 87%
Directed by Quentin Tarantino

I don't know if I can put Jackie Brown on a list of overlooked movies. It certainly wasn't overlooked when it came out, but that was 19 freaking years ago. Have you seen it? Have you seen it recently?

There are movies and then there is Jackie Brown.

Watch the trailer for Jackie Brown

K
Killer Joe (2011)
Suspense
Rotten Tomatoes: 78%
Directed by William Friedkin

I don't think it can be summed up any better than critic Jack Giroux's review where he says, "Killer Joe is trash. Not bad trash. Not pretentious trash. Just plain old ugly, funny, sophisticated trash."

Do not expect to like this movie. Expect to be equal parts repulsed and fascinated. After all, it's nearly impossible to like a story about a redneck father and son's quest to kill their ex-wife/mother for insurance money. And it's equally impossible not to be mesmerized by the sharp dialogue, unexpected laughs and spot-on performances by a rich cast (Matthew McConaughey and Juno Temple are incredible).

In that respect, I don't know if Killer Joe asks too much of its audience or if it completely frees them to watch with the pleasure/disdain-level of their choosing. Regardless of how you walk away from it, it's downright incredible that this movie got made and that's something that can't be said very much these days.

Watch the trailer for Killer Joe

L
The Ladykillers (2004)
Comedy
Rotten Tomatoes: 55%
Directed Joel Coen and Ethan Coen

Look closely into the shadow of Fargo, No Country for Old Men, the Big Lebowski and other Coen Brothers' greats and you'll find the Ladykillers. It's usually near the bottom, sometimes at the very bottom, of lists ranking their movies. That's kind of like being the last player to make the all-star team or the poorest billionaire. Cheer up, you're still in an elite class.

The Ladykillers shows off the Coens' unmatched skill at writing dialogue and Tom Hanks' often-forgotten range. I find myself coming back to this movie again and again.

Watch the trailer for the Ladykillers

M
Martha Marcy May Marlene (2011)
Drama
Rotten Tomatoes: 90%
Directed by Sean Durkin

Out of everything on this list, it's Martha Marcy May Marlene that I hope you do the least amount of research on going in. That includes watching its trailer and reading these next two paragraphs. Feel free to keep scrolling.

I say that because I knew nothing about it when I hit play and two hours later I was ready to jump out of my skin. No film has ever terrified me as much as this one. It's not a horror movie and there's very little blood. No, like many of life's nightmares, it's not until you're deep into a troubling situation that you realize how scary it is and how it may be too late to climb out. This happens to the main character on her quest for a new life off the grid in upstate New York and, because we're along for the ride, happens to us as well. The writing, directing, acting and pacing of this film is magnificent.

I'm pretty sure I haven't recommended a movie in the last couple years as often as I have this one. I can't say enough good things about it. Elizabeth Olsen may very well be the talent of her generation. Go. Go now.

Watch the trailer for Martha Marcy May Marlene

N
99 Homes (2015)
Drama
Rotten Tomatoes: 92%
Directed by Rahmin Bahrani

Michael Shannon is freaking Hercules. Even in a movie like this with strong performances from Andrew Garfield and Laura Dern, he nearly laps the field. I call it a true shame that the Academy didn't take notice.

Watch the trailer for 99 Homes

O
Observe and Report (2009)
Comedy
Rotten Tomatoes: 50%
Directed by Jody Hill

It's my pick for most underrated comedy of all time. I can understand some squeamishness from critics about laughing at a mentally-ill and seriously-misguided protagonist, but 50% on Rotten? Come on. Not with this many laughs.

Observe and Report came out around the same time as Paul Blart: Mall Cop and audiences unfortunately chose the latter of the two or just threw up their hands and said, "I'm out." Go back and give O&R a chance. You'll be surprised just how far this dark comedy is willing to go.

Watch the trailer for Observe and Report

P
Primer (2004)
Sci-Fi
Rotten Tomatoes: 71%
Directed by Shane Carruth

Primer deserves an award unto itself for not taking the fast track that practically every time travel movie takes. You know, the one where the meekly hero discovers, through circumstance, a machine or portal that unlocks their dreams and nightmares (think Big, think Back to the Future, think Looper to an extent).

Primer is about two smart guys rushing through their day jobs and personal lives to work on a garage experiment that, to their astonishment, is capable of sending them back 24 hours whenever they like. With that comes huge gains in day trading and sports betting, but also, as you can probably imagine, a lot of unintended consequences.

Primer is beautifully shot for having such a minuscule budget (in numerous scenes you can see writer/director/actor/ producer/cinematographer/ composer Shane Carruth mouth the word "cut"). It's easy on second and third viewings to put the film's story aside and watch it as a documentary of its own creation: A couple of guys risking everything for this small project they're so passionate about. In both circumstances, the gamble pays off big. Primer is a testament to the magic that hard work can unlock.

Watch the trailer for Primer

Q
Quarantine (2008)
Horror
Rotten Tomatoes: 58%
Directed by John Erick Dowdle

Quarantine begins with Q and is unsettling. Don't play around with rabies.

Watch the trailer for Quarantine





R
Rock the Bells (2007)
Documentary
Rotten Tomatoes: 83%
Directed by Denis Hennelly and Casey Suchan

To call Rock the Bells one of the best documentaries I've ever seen doesn't do it justice. This is hands down one of the best movies I've ever seen. How this thing has lived for nearly ten years without being a household name is beyond me.

Bells is the story of one fan's dream of organizing a Wu Tang Clan reunion concert--and everything imaginable going wrong in the process. The unscripted tension is unbearable. Hip-hop fan or not, please watch this movie and tell somebody about. Damn it, this is ridiculous.

Watch the trailer for Rock the Bells

S
Snow on tha Bluff (2011)
Drama
Rotten Tomatoes: No score available
Directed by Damon Russell

Curtis could sell cocaine to a car-load of kids in the wrong neighborhood, but it's easier just to rob them. Not only do they have some cash, that new camcorder will do just fine as well. The day is off to a pretty good start.

That's the opening of Snow on tha Bluff, the mockumentary about a dope pusher and his crew in Atlanta's most notorious neighborhood. If I had to describe the movie in one word, it's unflinching. Bluff feels like a true step inside a world most will never see. Money and power are necessities and nothing is off the table in the pursuit of them.

The lines between fantasy and reality here are, at the very least, blurred. All actors are credited as themselves and the dialogue is clearly improvised. The occasional gunshots whizzing past the camera, we assume, are staged, but scenes like the one of a toddler sitting on a cocaine-covered table while dad separates some baggies are cringe worthy. In fact, after playing at an Atlanta film festival, the filmmakers were reportedly contacted by local police who questioned some of its content in relation to recent crime.

As a viewer, I try to take all of this at the director's word that I'm watching a scripted drama, not reality. And if it's true, I guess that's about the highest compliment that can be paid: There is absolutely no questioning the authenticity of this movie. It's honest, terrifying and, at times, crushingly heartfelt. There is no other movie like Snow on tha Bluff.

Watch the trailer for Snow on tha Bluff

T
Ted 2 (2015)
Comedy
Rotton Tomatoes: 46%
Directed by Seth MacFarlane

Did you only see the first one? Don't miss out. Ted 2 may have a smaller heart than its smash-hit predecessor, but I laughed even more this time around.

Watch the trailer for Ted 2


U
Unfriended (2014)
Horror
Rotten Tomatoes: 62%
Directed by Levon Gabriadze

You got to give it up to Unfriended for at least trying something new. Sure, its trailer probably induces a fair share of eye rolls, but come on, there wouldn't be mockumentaries without Spinal Tap, there wouldn't be found footage without Blair Witch, and perhaps, just maybe, this is the start of something just as big. In a time where most movies are watched alone in bed, your face inches from a laptop, Unfriended comes to you tailor-made.

Watch the trailer for Unfriended

V
Victoria (2015)
Drama
Rotten Tomatoes: 84%
Directed by Sebastian Schipper

Victoria tells the story of a young Spanish woman on vacation in Germany who meets the wrong guy and ends up over her head in a criminal conspiracy. While that's 95% of the movie (its trailer will show you just as much), it's the journey that makes it so satisfying.

Filmed as one single shot, Victoria captures countless little scenes most movies skip past. Thinking back on my favorite moments from the movie is like thinking back to a night in my own life: That part where he circled past her on the bike, that part where they walked up the stairs. All the little snapshots you feel like only you are witnessing.

Beyond that, it's a thrill just to watch Schipper and crew pull this movie off. I dug my fingers into my palms with each new room they walked into just thinking about the setbacks that one light in the wrong place could create, one prop that had mistakenly moved, one character break, one shadow and on and on. The finished product, technically speaking, is nearly flawless. This is guerrilla excellence.

Watch the trailer for Victoria

W
The Witch (2015)
Horror
Rotten Tomatoes: 91%
Directed by Robert Eggers

The further you get into the Witch, the more you feel like you've been left behind. Almost all of this 17th century story takes place on a family farm in isolated Massachusetts. By the end of it, no matter your interpretation of its various themes, one thing is for sure: You will want to get off of that farm.

Watch the trailer for the Witch

X
Ex Machina (2015)
Sci-Fi
Rotten Tomatoes: 93%
Directed by Alex Garland

Yeah, I know it starts with an E. Deal with it.

It's a real possibility that we'll look back at Ex Machina ten or twenty years from now as an ignored cautionary tale. It's not the first movie to warn us about robots. From Frankenstein, through 1950s' drive-ins, all the way up to Spielberg's A.I., the theory that there's a downside to giving life to the lifeless has been delivered loud and clear. But none of them lived in a world of Google, Facebook and Apple using trillions of lines of information about you to space-race each other into unimaginable advances. Perhaps we've already missed the boat.

Ex Machina is the right film at the right moment. Three years ago it would have felt silly. Three years from now, Ava, its centerpiece, will probably say in interviews its one of her favorites. It's a gripping movie with big ideas and familiar suspense. I also doubt that I'm alone in saying its ice-cold ending honestly kept me awake at night.

Watch the trailer for Ex Machina

Y
You Can Count on Me (2000)
Drama
Rotten Tomatoes: 95%
Directed by Kenneth Lonergan

Kenneth Lonergan's tale of an adult brother and sister reconnecting is beautiful in every category. It's rare that a week goes by without me remembering some scene, some line, some look on a character's face. Maybe it's because of its flawless execution or maybe it's because I'll never know what it's like to have a sibling, but You Can Count on Me is one of only two movies that brings me to tears 100% of the time.

Watch the trailer for You Can Count on Me

Z
Zelig (1983)
Comedy
Rotten Tomatoes: 100%
Directed by Woody Allen

Zelig usually comes up when a conversation (see: argument) arises over Woody Allen's movies and the defendant, after extolling the virtues of Annie Hall, Manhattan and Crimes and Misdemeanors, emphatically adds, "And Zelig! The man made Zelig!"

Woody Allen hits a true creative twist about every seventh or eighth movie (he's done over 50) and Zelig may be at the top of the leaderboard in that category. It's a great mockumentary (one year before Spinal Tap, mind you), about a chameleon-like man who weaves himself into the background of numerous historical events (eleven years before Forrest Gump).

It's a hilarious movie and it starts with Z.

Watch the trailer for Zelig

The Coldest Week of the Year

This is probably a week ago when I tell my wife I'll be right back. I take the elevator down and walk out the iron gate toward the corner store. The topic going round tonight is one of the more gruesome sexual assaults any of us can imagine and the justice system's yawn of a response. I start thinking back on my time in Brazil and the rare spurts of violence I've witnessed when right there, at the end of the block, I see a woman get hit by a car.

It's a deep, dull thud accompanied by the sight of her three or four feet up and then on her back on the asphalt staring at the black sky. A crowd circles her by the time I get there. She is about 50, alive and twitching, muttering something that I can't make out, but sounds incoherent. Both sides of her face are in the hands of the woman, fifteen years younger, who has just changed her life forever. I think that of the two, it's her face I'll remember longer.

The crowd keeps the older woman stationary. After another minute, a cop walks up. I go into the store, buy soda and walk past the scene again. I return through the gate, up the elevator, through the door, put my head in my wife's lap and sob.

This is the coldest week of the year here in Sao Paulo. And in thinking about it, the coldest of my life. Like most Brazilians, we don't have A/C or heat. Each day, the sunny 65-degree skies give way to nights in the mid-40s--our apartment just a few degrees warmer than the outside air. There's usually one of these weeks every year, I just don't remember it being this bad. Every night, we stack the bed with four or five quilts, put on sweatshirts and stocking caps and hold on.

My days this week are spent in the cells of a spreadsheet, carefully planning sessions for this conference I'm attending next week at Stanford University. I park my socked feet in the warm beam of afternoon sunlight idling its way across our floor and plug away zombielike. The highlight of my afternoon is an eight minute vacation to the shower. At dark we order food or go to O'Malley's to drink and watch the Warriors lose winnable games. The room of body heat ends up being just as much a draw as the action on the court.

I return home to a home absent of that feeling you're supposed to get on frigid nights: Warmth. Relief. The assuredness that you've left the Winter out there. We're greeted instead by dark hours that seem to have waited up for us. We come close under the covers. The sun finally rises. Then we read about some guy who walked up to a woman signing autographs and put three bullets in her.

The store that we're counting on having heaters is sold out. We circle the mall, jackets off, for a half hour. We split some McDonalds and try one last place in the basement. We're in luck. They've got one space heater left--their display model--and we buy it.

I come home to the reminder of just how disappointing space heaters are. I don't know how hot they're supposed to get, but I take it as a bad sign that I can rest my legs on it. We plug it in and stare at it like that might somehow motivate it. I wheel it over beside the bed, double check none of the covers can get to it and bunker myself. The damn thing probably adds like one legitimate degree. What a waste. Then we wake up to 49 dead bodies covering the city of my birth.

By day five or six, I realize the cold's real punishment is how much it wears you down. The small fits of shivering string together after a while. I've got less energy, less enthusiasm. We don't smile as much. We have our sweatshirts and our blankets, our hours of short sunlight, our heater I keep believing will make a difference. It's not enough. The sun inevitably sets. The cold returns. I guess what makes me the maddest is it's taken me this long to realize there's nothing I can do to stop it.

I can almost walk past the corner store now without looking at the invisible x on the pavement. Skies are a little warmer each day. On the couch, hoodie on, banging out last minute e-mails, I thumb my phone from the Sao Paulo forecast over to Menlo Park. Eighty seven degrees and sunny. I'm ready to absorb it all.

Hopefully it will be enough. Like everyone else, I'm ready for this week to end. For this house to feel the way it should. To pack this heater away in the closet. To not look across the crowd at O'Malley's and think which way I would run. To go on this trip, walk past a dumpster and not wonder if this one is different from all the rest.

The Big Two

Today marks two years in Sao Paulo, Brazil.

The Shape of Carnaval

By sunset Tuesday, it's no longer a list of days or parades. All of that has diluted down into a mess and hardened over again. Little memories shuffled up. You don't need alcohol or drugs to do this even though you can get them by snapping your fingers like this.

By late Tuesday, the senses are already naturally overloaded. The packs of people stepping over one another. The aerosol cans of glitter and green foam that everyone assures you will come right out. The heat.

Like us or anything else that stays in the sun this long, it all molds together until you can't tell this thing from that one. But it's definitely all in there and when I hit it with a hammer, here's what I can tell you about Carnaval.

Mark says we're going to have brunch at his place and then walk to the bloco. The 11 am start time is pushed back to 12. We arrive around 1. Bread, deli meats and cheek kisses as folks keep strolling in. Irina gets out little tubes of paint and woah, she's really good at this. One guy's forearm becomes a snake. One guy's chest, a garden. One girl's bicep, a flag. My shoulder becomes Irina's face.

It's probably 95 degrees out and no one's phone works because there's 10,000 of us standing in front of the park. I try over and over to call Evan. Dani wants to hear the band, but the sound system on their truck is only good when you're beside it or in front of it. We're behind it. My phone's hot enough to start a campfire. I stand on a fence to try to see Evan. A husband sits his wife down beside us. She's not looking good.

Some people in the group need to pee, so we commandeer the traffic circle in front of the store to pass the time. One guy has two bells that he hits to no rhythm or melody and the Brazilians among us sing old Brazilian songs. We morph into a conga line. Out of everything, this story has the most variations depending on who tells it.

The Panthers lose the Super Bowl. One guy at our table has some North Carolina flags. Turns out we know a few of the same people from Raleigh.

There's probably another 10,000 people at this David Bowie-themed bloco. Women dance two stories up atop the truck and something about their swaying is dystopian like that nightclub early in the Matrix. I'm trying to find Tah and Emily and them and my phone is getting hotter. Men pee against any two pieces of structure that form a corner.

Night after night of sleeping on the covers. Our oscillating fan rattles away serving leftover air.

A mother walks by holding the hand of her four-year-old daughter. Tears pour down her little face.

We make it back to Mark's just beating the rain. His speakers are insanely loud. We jump around to Rihanna.

Five floors up, a couple holds out the window some watermelon-sized water balloons. Everyone goes wild. A group of guys lift their friend up and spread her out--one with each arm and leg kind of thing. The couple high up steady their outstretched arms. The balloon locks in over her exposed stomach and they let go. I think there's no way this isn't going to hurt.

A girl points at me as I scooch through the crowd and says, "You. Come here." I smile and wave her off, my wedding band hitting the sunlight. "No, no, no," she says, "YOU. Come here." Her friend holds out a joint. I use all my goodbyes and keep moving.

None of our usual pizza places are delivering. Dani falls asleep on the bed. Evan closes his eyes on the couch.

Even though I end up carrying one friend on my arm for twenty-some minutes, it's still one of the best parties I can remember.

The bloco ends at a giant square where a massive concert stage is about to awaken. The sun creeps past the skyscrapers around us. Centro is not where I want to be at almost any hour, but especially not this one. I'm the only person in the group looking around. I distract the homeless-looking guy trying to talk to us with some of my drink and work my way out of the crowd, up some old steps, to the next road. My cell is cooking and the stray cabs occasionally wandering this way keep getting snatched by parties further up the line. A small family huddles at the bus stop. Bodies of the less fortunate call it a night on mattresses of cardboard. I hit the taxi app on my phone. The music a few blocks away can't compete with the silence around me. I look down at my battery and hope it's got enough.

Things That Worry Me More Than Zika

If you've seen snow in the last month, the Zika virus should not bother you. You're gonna make it, son. You weren't worried about Bird Flu, Small Pox, Swine Flu or Ebola, so, why start now? Or maybe you were, in which case anxiety fuels your life and I bet you'd make for a decent comedy writer.

Here in Sao Paulo, we've had about the same number of confirmed cases as the US. Here's what keeps me up at night more than Zika:

-When I'm walking past the lady that maintains our building and she takes the initiative in helping me practice Portuguese.

-Netflix's vow to block VPNs.

-I can't say no to soda.

-Bacterial meningitis.

-When I go for a run, that one tree that's always full of pigeons.

-"The Big One" that will inevitably destroy the US west coast this century.

-Bernie Sanders.

-Everything I've learned from the show Scam City.

-When I'm waiting for a movie to start and I'm afraid someone else will sit on my row, blocking the exit.

-Segredos de Minas doesn't deliver on Mondays (Americans: Think Sundays and Chick-Fil-A. It's always Sunday when you want Chick-Fil-A).

-Death.

-My inability to fantasize about hitting the Powerball without factoring in legal fees and destroyed friendships.

-If Adele can be the top selling artist of the decade but can't write a happy hit song, what's the point of going on?

-The fact that I honestly don't know if I have one or two college degrees.

-Turning 2̶0̶, 2̶3̶, 2̶6̶, 3̶0̶, 34.

-The number of people running small businesses that read about Steve Jobs and decide, "Hey, I'll  just become an asshole."

-UNCW making March Madness this year and their first game being on the day I'm traveling.

-Any time someone is really smart, good looking AND funny.

-Getting a great idea and then immediately thinking about the tens of thousands of others that have probably thought it.

-People not visiting Brazil when they really, really should.

An Update

In all honesty, and I never told my wife this, my big reason for wanting to move here was to go ahead and do the time. Dani and I met in Virginia. We dated there. Got engaged there. We laughed, and we played, and we learned each other, and I dried her homesick tears many a night. Marriage is a partnership and I was determined not to let our first big decision end with me on the take.

We would go to Brazil because then she would have that. It could never be hung over my head. I would make sacrifices. She would see the graffiti and litter-covered city again through new American-pampered eyes and then we would turn back. Sure, it would be an adventure for me, but that was secondary. I needed her to get this out of her system. It would probably take a year.

And then some time passed. Next month will mark two years. Still no end in sight.

Not that Brazil isn't making a case for us to leave. Word from back home is the Zika virus has even the snowed-in in a panic. The economy continues its dig toward the Earth's core. The upcoming Olympics are poised to be a national embarrassment. The historic drought from last year is under control, but at the cost of record-setting rainfall and floods. The poor are getting poorer. Times are tough.

Crime is up. A group and I went around the table earlier this week naming our scariest moment in Brazil. I've got a handful of friends that have had guns in their faces, but none were at this dinner and the stories came off pretty tame. We said our goodbyes and went home. 

I got a message from one a half hour later. He and his fiancee witnessed a shooting break out on the way home. An argument between some guys escalated to about eight shots fired. The men turned and ran in their direction. My friends hid in the shadows. Someone limped by their hiding spot, pistol in hand.

I'm diligent with Dani on minimizing our risks. The routes that we walk are short and populated. Cabs take us everywhere after dark. There are dozens of city-sized chunks in this megalopolis I know I will never step foot in.

Yet, you can only prepare so much. The unknown has its way of always outdoing itself. And so sitting at a stoplight the other night and seeing a man pop up at the open window of the car in front of us, then hold onto their door as they tried to drive away, puts its hooks in you pretty deep. No one wins when your wife says she's going out for a walk during daylight hours and you argue with her.

One prediction Dani and I have always felt pretty certain of is this will be our only time in Sao Paulo. Her family lives here, but their longterm plans don't and neither of us can see ourselves putting up with all the bullshit as we get older. That being said, the one-and-done approach makes you appreciate the place so much more. Like college, you know you're on the clock and this particular version of you will never live again.

Mix that in with a comfortable daily schedule, a growing list of drop dead restaurants and a historic exchange rate and its easy to accept all the other problems as collateral damage. When I moved here I only really knew Dani, but now I look around our occasional for-no-reason barbecues and see 50-some friends. Restaurants like Le Jazz and EMA torture me daily. The weather is warm. There's the social currency that's often yielded just from being a gringo. And there's a real magic in going out with a group, grabbing the check off a table covered in bottles and paying the whole US $30 yourself.

I can't imagine the tidy little life I could have chose.

The update is we're doing just fine. I'm still working. Still writing a ton. I run about three 5Ks a week. I may finally pull off a tan. Carnaval is about to start. I found a place that sells Cherry Coke. There's Ben and Jerry's here too. Until we're the ones hiding in those shadows, waiting for death to walk past, I don't see us buying those final plane tickets anytime soon.

An older couple in my church in Virginia used to live in Sao Paulo in the 1960s. They ask me for updates whenever I'm back in town. The Sao Paulo they describe was very different from what I see now, but one statement the lady always underlines holds true: "You cry when you get there and you cry when you leave." 

I did and I will.

Testing

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