Christmas in Brazil

The alarm went off at 5:00 am this Christmas Eve. Dani and I got ready, went downstairs and began the three hour ride over to the microscopic town of Aguas de Sao Pedro. An overnight trip to celebrate with the extended family. I would be one of about 21 there.

This was my first Brazilian road trip. Our route out to Aguas was as thrilling as I-95's run through South Carolina. Highways in this part of Brazil and their surroundings look surprisingly similar to the US South. Anyway, part of me felt good to be back in a car at Christmastime. My family always celebrates in the rural town of Keysville, VA. Aguas wasn't that different.

But there were the Municipal Fountains. We met our hosts in town and they took us by to see. The fountains are a city-owned indoor/outdoor pool. Not for swimming, though. If you're there, you're looking for healing. Faucets around the pool were labeled with placards (in Portuguese and English) that explained what their water could help you with. One sign read:

"Alameida Salles Waters
-Sodium chlorocarbonate alkaline ph 8.5 - radioactive.
-Indicated for treatment of: heartburn, gastric acid imbalance, diabetes, kidney stones and facilitating digestion.
-Recommended intaking 50 to 80 ml after meals, no quantity limits.
-Durability seven days off the source.
NOTE: It is not advisable to varius types of drinking water exist only once a possibility of gastrointestinal upset."

If you're ever in Aguas de Sao Pedro, look for the Fontanario Municipal.

We rode in our hosts' SUV out to their farmhouse. It was a 10-minute trip across dirt backroads, which had saturated into mud from rain the day before. As soon as we were in the sticks the driver turned on Alan Jackson. I felt about as close to home as a Virginia Boy in Aguas can feel. "I'm Loorrrd and master of a fewl's Taj Muhhall. Oh, hoo says you can't have it ulll?"

Miles later we arrived at the farmhouse. It was a beautiful plot of land with a great two-bedroom house, pool, pool house with another bedroom, barbecue area, another indoor/outdoor living area, outdoor kitchen and five or so hammocks. Roosters shuffled around the grounds as did Rivers, the family dog. Limes and mangos could be picked from trees right in the yard. A small pond was home to some of the biggest frogs I've ever seen (about the size of two fists).

It was 10:00 am by this point and time for breakfast. The schedule for the rest of the day consisted of cooking, drinking, eating, cooking again, killing time, eating and cooking again. It was about 80 degrees out.

As the lone American and newest addition to the family, I stood out a little bit. Dani's great aunt took particular interest in me. Even though she spoke no English and my Portuguese is what it is, it didn't stop her from telling me long stories. 

She saw herself as a clairvoyant and talked at length about my horoscope and the past life where Dani and me originally met. She also (playfully, I think) threatened me if I should ever leave Dani. She had faith I wouldn't because I'm not Brazilian. "Brazilian men are dogs," she said. She was my favorite one there.

"You're not sleeping tonight."

We barbecued through the day. I ate mandioca right out of the pot. I grabbed a one-hour nap in a hammock and Dani and I watched the first half of The Lost World: Jurassic Park inside on cable. In the evening, we all played bingo and perhaps did some low-stakes gambling. I blew about five Reais.

The whole day led up to midnight. In Brazil, Christmas Eve is treated like New Year's Eve. Probably bigger. Kids don't rush to bed here. The family gathered around the outdoor table at midnight, held hands and said the Lord's Prayer in Portuguese. Then they said amen and shouted "FELIZ NATAL!" as loud as they could. The next move is for every person to hug every other person and wish them a Feliz Natal. They were a joyous group.

Midnight dinner was served. The tradition here is to eat a meal, usually turkey, right at midnight. The turkey was great and familiar. The rice and cheese dish was spectacular and the cold half-pie-half-ice-cream dessert was surprisingly hard to push away from.

With 21 people and only three bedrooms, you can guess that the sleeping situation was a little tight. Dani and I pumped up our air mattress and climbed on board beside the bunk beds where her parents and cousin slept. It was 2:00 am by now and there were a few snorers in the house. Mix in the rhythmic 4:00 am cockle-doodle-doos outside and there wasn't much sleeping to be had. I'm a light sleeper and was luckily able to snag a few hours.

We did a Secret Santa game in the morning. The budget for gifts was very low, which made the game more fun because there was a lot of silliness available for the picking. I ended up with a blue t-shirt with cutoff sleeves (and I'll be wearing it in the gym just as soon as I hit publish on this post).

We made it back to Sao Paulo in time for me to Skype with my own family, three hours behind us in Keysville. They had just finished our traditional Christmas breakfast of fried oysters, quiche, country ham and biscuits. Presents were opened. I spoke to each person on the phone. I told everyone I missed them. They missed us. 

My first Christmas away from home. Certainly my most interesting. Even if it's not to Aguas de Sao Pedro, everyone who gets married and moves away goes through the "new Christmas." It's part of growing up. Staying up all night. Gathering around the dinner table. Taking the hand of the girl you love and trust. Closing your eyes. Praying.

Summer Is Here

Approaching afternoon thunderstorm.

All those Super Bowl hats for the losing team don't necessarily go to poor kids in Africa.

Bathroom art, Oba Restaurante.

Glass of Bacardi at the churrasco, US $2.63.

Dani beating the heat.

Line for a bar on Rua Augusta.

Billboards and other outdoor ads were banned here a few years ago. Now, there's art everywhere.

Man catching a nap outside of Rio de Janeiro.

US $7.99.

Festa.

Meat Exchange Rate

US $1.95

2014

In December of last year I had just let my friends and family know that I would be moving. I had my permanent visa for Brazil--the reward of a year's worth of research, paperwork, trips to the Consulate and hundreds of dollars worth of fees--but not much else. There was no apartment. No promise of a job. No friends. It was the most precarious position I had ever found my life in.

Daniela and I have talked a few times recently about the past year and how far things have progressed. It feels like three or four years worth of change fit into twelve months. The kind of year where getting married is just one fraction of the mosaic, not the whole work itself.

It's hard to call it anything other than the best year of my life.

Love

Daniela and I were married on August 30, 2014. We honeymooned on the surreal island of Fernando de Noronha. We traveled back to the US and celebrated again on November 1.

Scattered all around these special (and stressful) occasions was the real growth of our love and friendship. At each quiet lunch in our tiny apartment. At each laugh before bed. Daniela, in the natural progressions of wives, went from being someone I liked, to someone I needed, to someone I'm intertwined with.

August 30 was a good day.

Fernando de Noronha, Brazil. September 2014.

Friendship

I left 98% of my social circle behind in February and found myself a week later waking up every day, turning to Daniela and asking, "What are we doing today?" She was basically all I had.

Since then I've gotten to know a lot of new people, both Brazilian, American and others. I've formed a close bond with a group of mostly American guys. You can find us once a week, Sunday afternoon, at a place called O'Malley's, watching football and laughing it up.

They're a transient group, so I've already had to say goodbye to a few. They'll always have a place here. By nature, American ex-pats in Brazil are special people. These guys are brave, smart and successful. They are survivors. Without knowing it, they challenge me every week to improve myself.

Another Sunday afternoon at O'Malley's.

Food

It's been the best year of eating in my life. Brazil has ruined me in a number of ways. From dining at the restaurant of the Best Chef in the World, to the wonderful pizza place around the corner, to the incredible filet mignon steak at my local grocery store that somehow costs US $4 for three cuts, I've thrown my stomach into a place that I'll probably one day decide to move 10 hours away from. It's like watching a favorite movie even though you know the main character dies at the end.

There's a lot to miss about back home, but the distance makes my occasional trips (and visits to Five Guys) so much sweeter. When it comes to food, São Paulo just does it better. Here are a few pornographic shots I took this year:

Noa bringing out the good stuff.

Robison throwing some heavily-salted picanha cuts on the grill.

São Paulo's famous Bacio di Latte gelato. Dani got me a whole kilo for Brazilian Valentine's Day.

Dinner from my favorite restaurant in town, Segredos de Minas.

Movies

I saw more movies this year than any other. Not in the theaters. I think I saw like five there. It's all been Netflix. 

Daniela and I have developed this routine that I love. Most every weeknight now we'll have dinner, take care of anything else we have to do, get in bed and put something on. Ten minutes later, Dani is asleep, but that's another story (as I like to tell her, "We could watch a movie called the Daniela dos Santos Lima Story and you would still go to sleep").

As an addicted viewer, here are my favorite Netflix movies that I saw this year for the first time:

Documentaries

The Imposter--Best documentary I saw this year.

Mitt--Heartbreaking no matter your political beliefs.

Life 2.0--An interesting look inside a sad, strange world.

Comedies

Chelsea Peretti: One of the Greats--Stand up special that left me shaking with laughter.

21 Jump Street--Great writing.

In a World--Interesting and unique.

John Mulaney: New in Town--Only stand up special I've ever seen that got funnier every five minutes.

Bad Grandpa--Really well-executed jokes. You will not be disappointed.

The Way Way Back--For when you're missing the warm weather.

Safety Not Guaranteed--Maybe the best movie I saw this year. Sweet. Funny. Exhilarating. 

Dramas

Winter's Bone--No wonder she's a megastar now.

Arbitrage--It really makes me sad that movies like this and Michael Clayton only come out once every five years. Richard Gere is amazing in this.

Donnie Brasco--What can I say? I had never seen it. That's why we have Netflix.

Silver Linings Playbook--Hadn't seen it before. David O. Russell is back in top form.

Lone Survivor--A new war classic.

Snow on tha Bluff--Unbelievable. A movie that is truly unforgettable and unlike anything else I've ever seen.

Music

There's really only two albums I listened to this year and I listened to them non-stop:

1989 by Taylor Swift--A flawless departure album. A leap forward that none of her superstar peers have equalled.

Cadillactica by Big K.R.I.T.--A portrait of the American South as a foreign planet, which to many people it probably is. KRIT nails every image perfectly, from Sunday mornings with Grandma to sinful dark rooms of women and loud music. The production, the energy, the attitude and the wordplay are bonded by no weak links. Best rap album I've ever heard.

Travel

This year I hit Hawaii, Chattanooga, São Paulo, Alexandria, Recife, Fernando de Noronha and Rio de Janeiro. 

I'll probably never go to Recife again. I'll probably never get to go to Fernando again. But the place I'll miss the most? My first class seat from Charlotte to Brazil. Twice. That was beautiful.

Growth

Writing: I spent more time writing this year than any other in my life (by a long shot). There was the blog on the public side and another, larger piece on the private side. I'm on draft nine of it, something I never would have committed to in the past. I feel stronger as a writer and more excited about future projects.

Health: I've got the best gym routine going since I was 21.

Fortitude: For the first time in my life, I've really gone outside of my comfort zone and I'm better for it. Brazil's rough streets had me spooked when I first got here. Now, I can handle it. I can handle a lot of things.

Regrets

I hate it when people say they never have regrets or they "wouldn't change a thing." Yeah, right. I always have regrets: 

I faithfully studied Portuguese for a year and then gave it up when it got frustrating. 

I watched a pathetically large amount of YouTube videos when I could have been doing anything else. 

I often avoided doing pull ups because they're hard.

I bought several eight packs of Oreos that I didn't need. 

I went to a doctor who told me I had a brain cyst (a US doctor said he was wrong). 

Too much Coca Cola.

And on and on and on. 2014 saw the most changes in my life. It also was the year I grew the most. That makes me want to keep growing and keep improving next year. There's a lot to look forward to and a lot to leave behind. It's been the best year of my life, but I don't want it to stay that way.

The four-patty Mega Mac. A regret.

Scenes from a Marriage 3

Me: "Stop dancing."
Dani: "I'm trying to keep the flame alive!"

The Barrier

The question I get asked the most both here and when I visit the US is, "How's your Portuguese?", which unfortunately for me is not a fun one to answer. It's like opening a conversation with a twelve year old with, "How's your algebra?" Or hitting a couple exiting therapy with, "How's the marriage going?"

It's the question where I have to smile and explain how much of a failure I am. How after living in Brazil for nine months, my Portuguese is markedly worse than when I arrived.

Once upon a time, I studied Portuguese daily. I read the Folha de Sao Paulo online. I made flash cards. I played study games. I took a weekly class.

Then Hurricane Wedding came through and occupied all of my free time for a two month period. It's now been replaced with a  storm of writing, the likes of which I've never seen.

Portuguese took a back seat.

My work is in English. My wife speaks English. My friends speak English. Yes, I got lazy.

Daniela pesters me to get back on board with the studying. I assure her I will, which is true. Admittedly, I lean on her too much whenever we encounter strangers (or her friends). I'm a bit of a leech.

2015 will bring a renewed commitment to the language.

In my two-plus years of learning, growing and declining, I've noticed a few things about language. Whether you're thinking about learning one, already learning one or going to a place where they don't speak yours, this is what I now know:

You're Probably Wasting Your Time

Unless you're learning English or someone is going to pay you more money, learning a new language as an adult is basically a giant waste of time. That's the conclusion of the Freakonomics guys, who tackled the topic in a podcast.

I agree. Learning a language requires a massive amount of time and brain capacity. You're probably much better off learning about the stock market, or how to change a flat tire or the names of your wife's friends. Spending a whole year climbing 12% of the way into Spanish is only going to take you to the ground floor when your plane lands in Puerto Vallarta. Not worth it, because:

Geniuses Aside, It Will Take You 20 Years to Become Fluent

I studied Portuguese for a year before I moved here. When I arrived and heard the Brazilians talking, I felt like I had mistakenly been studying French.

I didn't realize the grasp you need of a language to carry on a conversation until I moved here. I know now that I do not speak "conversational Portuguese" and I never have. That level of basic chit chat takes a good two to three years of hard work to reach, and even then it requires your speaking partner to go slowly and to choose their topics carefully.

That's not knowing a language.

I only know two or three Brazilians that are fluent in English. Here's one:

To me, being fluent in a language means you can talk with a native speaker and they don't hold back. They go at their speed (lightning fast) about their topics (precise and esoteric) with their expressions (regional as hell).

Daniela can keep up with almost any American 90% of the time. Most of her questions to me about English deal with the grammatical ordering of sentences (sometimes even I'm unsure) or what 2 Chainz is talking about.

How long has she been studying? Twenty years.

Don't Be Afraid to Visit a Country Because of a Language Barrier

Five years ago, I had never ventured to a country that didn't speak the King's and I was quietly very afraid to do so. Since then, I've checked off a number of them. Of all the places I've visited, Brazil is the least adaptable for English speakers. Their t-shirts are in English, but not much of anything else.

Still, this factor should never hold you back from visiting. I'm living proof that you do not need to know a country's language to go there. You will get by.

When you don't know the language, it's not like you walk around all day starting philosophical conversations. You just play a series of simple roles: The restaurant patron who points at the menu. The hotel guest who presents ID. The customer who hands the cashier money for a postcard. Most people will be nice to you. It's a patient world out there.

But let me add...

When Visiting a Country, There's Only One Expression You Do Need to Know

Forget about yes or no. Thank you, please, how much and bathroom. It's true, they are all nice to know.

In my experience, there's only one expression that is a must: I'm sorry. A fast apology in your weird, foreign accent should be locked and loaded at all times. Smiles don't cut it when you step on someone's shoe or bump into their child. You need something that instantly conveys remorse and admits you're an innocent outsider. You need a parachute.

Desculpa, lo siento, désolé...that plus a passport and you're ready.

Rosetta Stone? Duolingo?

People often ask me what language-learning program I'm using and which they should use. This is misleading. No matter how user-friendly or unique an app is, it will not teach you a language. It may help some, yes, but here's what I equate it to: A $100 pair of running shoes makes it easier to lose weight than just your bare feet. Either way, you need discipline and effort to shed those pounds.

That Being Said, I Do Recommend the Following

StudyBlue.com. Lets you create your own flashcards. Download the app on your phone and flip through those bad boys on the Metro and during commercial breaks. Simple, effective and free.

Mind Snacks. Download this game app in your language of choice for $4.99. Well worth it. The games are addictive and they especially help cement the fast recognition words you need like numbers and days of the week.

Translate.Google.com. With a grain of salt of course. It's not perfect, but it's getting better all the time.

Appreciate What You've Got

I am grateful to the Brazilians and other friends internationally who read this blog, but this final section is for my friends in the US of A.

Math may be the universal language, but congratulations, you speak the language of money.

Growing up in America, it's instilled in us as children over and over how lucky we are. How God has blessed us. How we live in the greatest nation in the world.

I believe all of that at varying levels. Americans like to praise America, but they often overlook the language factor. As an American, the global head start you get for knowing English is ridiculous.

Since living here, I've learned that arguably my most valuable asset in life (and yours) is one I didn't have to work for. People around the world want a better life and the road they usually take to get there is paved in English--a frustratingly complicated, dense, exception-filled language.

Even if I lost my job tomorrow, I could still make decent money here (and in most of the world) every single day for the rest of my life just by talking to people. That's insane. That's a superpower.

So, even if those three years in high school were a waste of your time and that dusty Rosetta Stone gift last Christmas only made your fajitas order sound a little more natural, cheer up. You've got it better than even they told you.

The Most Underrated City in the World

Cool little video about Sampa, "The Most Underrated City in the World." Check out the 6:30 mark where he walks through the Paraiso Metro station--100 yards from our front door. I looked closely for myself.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YVfSQY_GUiE

Weekend Trip

Dani and I took a 40-minute flight this weekend over to Rio de Janeiro. We spent a couple days with some friends in Barra de Tijuca--one of the city's beach suburbs.

It wasn't your average trip to Rio. No Copacabana, Ipanema or Christ the Redeemer. Here's Sugarloaf Mountain in passing.

Beaches here are a different world.

Dani e Brian.

We saw a lot of nature on this trip. On our walk to the beach we found this path that ran for about a quarter of a mile. It was blazed by ants--some of the biggest we had ever seen. Standing still on this lawn is a gamble.

On the walk back, we encountered a family of capybaras. It was the closest I've ever gotten to them in the wild. They let us get about eight feet away before they backed up.

Capybaras are the largest rodents on Earth. They spend their days eating vegetation and avoiding predators.

Predators include this fellow. Our hosts lived next door to a nature preserve where we saw monkeys, exotic birds and these guys. With no fences around the lagoon, we leaned over the edge of the water and got as close as they let us we wanted to.

Dani looking for monkeys.

We went to an island that, because of low tide, we were able to walk to.

As long as you play it safe, there is no comparison to Brazilian beaches.