It's the question where I have to smile and explain how much of a failure I am. How after living in Brazil for nine months, my Portuguese is markedly worse than when I arrived.
Once upon a time, I studied Portuguese daily. I read the Folha de Sao Paulo online. I made flash cards. I played study games. I took a weekly class.
Then Hurricane Wedding came through and occupied all of my free time for a two month period. It's now been replaced with a storm of writing, the likes of which I've never seen.
Portuguese took a back seat.
My work is in English. My wife speaks English. My friends speak English. Yes, I got lazy.
Daniela pesters me to get back on board with the studying. I assure her I will, which is true. Admittedly, I lean on her too much whenever we encounter strangers (or her friends). I'm a bit of a leech.
2015 will bring a renewed commitment to the language.
In my two-plus years of learning, growing and declining, I've noticed a few things about language. Whether you're thinking about learning one, already learning one or going to a place where they don't speak yours, this is what I now know:
You're Probably Wasting Your Time
Unless you're learning English or someone is going to pay you more money, learning a new language as an adult is basically a giant waste of time. That's the conclusion of the Freakonomics guys, who tackled the topic in a podcast.
I agree. Learning a language requires a massive amount of time and brain capacity. You're probably much better off learning about the stock market, or how to change a flat tire or the names of your wife's friends. Spending a whole year climbing 12% of the way into Spanish is only going to take you to the ground floor when your plane lands in Puerto Vallarta. Not worth it, because:
Geniuses Aside, It Will Take You 20 Years to Become Fluent
I studied Portuguese for a year before I moved here. When I arrived and heard the Brazilians talking, I felt like I had mistakenly been studying French.
I didn't realize the grasp you need of a language to carry on a conversation until I moved here. I know now that I do not speak "conversational Portuguese" and I never have. That level of basic chit chat takes a good two to three years of hard work to reach, and even then it requires your speaking partner to go slowly and to choose their topics carefully.
That's not knowing a language.
I only know two or three Brazilians that are fluent in English. Here's one:
To me, being fluent in a language means you can talk with a native speaker and they don't hold back. They go at their speed (lightning fast) about their topics (precise and esoteric) with their expressions (regional as hell).
Daniela can keep up with almost any American 90% of the time. Most of her questions to me about English deal with the grammatical ordering of sentences (sometimes even I'm unsure) or what 2 Chainz is talking about.
How long has she been studying? Twenty years.
Don't Be Afraid to Visit a Country Because of a Language Barrier
Five years ago, I had never ventured to a country that didn't speak the King's and I was quietly very afraid to do so. Since then, I've checked off a number of them. Of all the places I've visited, Brazil is the least adaptable for English speakers. Their t-shirts are in English, but not much of anything else.
Still, this factor should never hold you back from visiting. I'm living proof that you do not need to know a country's language to go there. You will get by.
When you don't know the language, it's not like you walk around all day starting philosophical conversations. You just play a series of simple roles: The restaurant patron who points at the menu. The hotel guest who presents ID. The customer who hands the cashier money for a postcard. Most people will be nice to you. It's a patient world out there.
But let me add...
When Visiting a Country, There's Only One Expression You Do Need to Know
Forget about yes or no. Thank you, please, how much and bathroom. It's true, they are all nice to know.
In my experience, there's only one expression that is a must: I'm sorry. A fast apology in your weird, foreign accent should be locked and loaded at all times. Smiles don't cut it when you step on someone's shoe or bump into their child. You need something that instantly conveys remorse and admits you're an innocent outsider. You need a parachute.
Desculpa, lo siento, désolé...that plus a passport and you're ready.
Rosetta Stone? Duolingo?
People often ask me what language-learning program I'm using and which they should use. This is misleading. No matter how user-friendly or unique an app is, it will not teach you a language. It may help some, yes, but here's what I equate it to: A $100 pair of running shoes makes it easier to lose weight than just your bare feet. Either way, you need discipline and effort to shed those pounds.
That Being Said, I Do Recommend the Following
StudyBlue.com. Lets you create your own flashcards. Download the app on your phone and flip through those bad boys on the Metro and during commercial breaks. Simple, effective and free.
Mind Snacks. Download this game app in your language of choice for $4.99. Well worth it. The games are addictive and they especially help cement the fast recognition words you need like numbers and days of the week.
Translate.Google.com. With a grain of salt of course. It's not perfect, but it's getting better all the time.
Appreciate What You've Got
I am grateful to the Brazilians and other friends internationally who read this blog, but this final section is for my friends in the US of A.
Math may be the universal language, but congratulations, you speak the language of money.
Growing up in America, it's instilled in us as children over and over how lucky we are. How God has blessed us. How we live in the greatest nation in the world.
I believe all of that at varying levels. Americans like to praise America, but they often overlook the language factor. As an American, the global head start you get for knowing English is ridiculous.
Since living here, I've learned that arguably my most valuable asset in life (and yours) is one I didn't have to work for. People around the world want a better life and the road they usually take to get there is paved in English--a frustratingly complicated, dense, exception-filled language.
Even if I lost my job tomorrow, I could still make decent money here (and in most of the world) every single day for the rest of my life just by talking to people. That's insane. That's a superpower.
So, even if those three years in high school were a waste of your time and that dusty Rosetta Stone gift last Christmas only made your fajitas order sound a little more natural, cheer up. You've got it better than even they told you.
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