Brazil is famous for skimpy bathing suits and I can tell you, unlike many of life's promises, this one does not go unfulfilled. The beaches are packed with people letting it all hang out. The catch is, it's not a horde of models and futbol-ers, it's an everyday looking bunch. All shapes, sizes and colors.
In America, some large folks won't take their shirt off on the beach. In Brazil, they're in a thong.
Probably half the women out on Copacabana last week sported thong bathing suits. The ladies' styles here range from thong all the way up to the still-too-tiny-for-America. It may be hard to believe, but the only people wearing garments as large as American bikinis are the tourists visiting from there.
For men, the bathing suit of choice is the Speedo...or at least something in that neighborhood. These range in size from, and I think this description is appropriate: "micro," up to some skin-tight shorts that stop a comfortable eight inches above the knee. I did see a surprising number of baggy board shorts out there, but again, most of those folks were speaking English and glancing around uncomfortably.
We saw the sexpot fashionita prancing around in a bikini bottom so small it exposed both the top and bottom of her crack, yes, but what really throws visitors like me for a loop is seeing that same get up on a woman twice her age and three times her weight. No one blinks an eye. Same thing with the men. It's beach time, Pops. Put on your uniform.
For a country that, on the surface, seems to be obsessed with beauty, Brazilians tend to have pretty healthy body images. I looked for research on the subject, but I couldn't find much data to back this claim up. What I did find is that Americans, especially American women, are usually at the bottom of the rankings (along with the UK and South Korea).
This comes as a surprise to no one. Anyone that has been or is raising a daughter is probably terrified of the status quo. You have to be skinny. Well, not just skinny, you have to have a big ass and big breasts. Shiny hair. Pretty face. You know the dance.
It's not that Brazil has dodged this, I think they're just more comfortable with accepting reality. Fifty year old men look down, see that potbelly staring back at them, and know that it's about as likely to change as the traffic clogging Avenida Atlantica, or the crime in the poor neighborhoods, or the corruption in Brasilia.
Brazilians are used to disappointment. They're also accustomed to making the most of the situation. People waiting in line here are often chatting and laughing, not looking miserable. And when it comes to dropping those shorts on the sand, well, there's no point in pretending we're something we're not.
It's undoubtedly an enviable characteristic and another trait that makes the Brazilian people so sexy. My guy friends from back home ask me about the women here and my reply is that there aren't more beautiful girls in Brazil than the US. Or that they're easier to get along with. In fact, there might be less. The difference is that when a Brazilian is sexy, she is really, really sexy, with qualities as ineffable as they are obvious. I'm no expert, but I'm sure it's the same story with the men here (although the Brazilian women say they all cheat!).
Preparing for our trip to Rio, I wanted to topple one of the last and greatest cultural walls between our two lands: I wanted to wear a Brazilian bathing suit. Part of the inspiration was seeing one of my gringo friends do it on Facebook. The other was because I knew it would push me to work out more and eat healthier.
A few weeks ago, Dani and I walked to the bathing suit store in the mall. They had a whole wall of options. Most were basic and Dani-approved: solid red, black or blue. I had a different idea in mind. I wanted the craziest looking thing they had.
Dani was not pleased with my final choice: a jungle looking print. My explanation was that the idea of wearing this kind of bathing suit back home was so foreign and crazy to me that I might as well just go complete balls to the wall with it. To me, it was like I was buying the Oscar Mayer Weinermobile and she didn't like the rims I wanted on the tires. Who's going to notice?
I told her the truth: the concept of a man wearing this in America is unfathomable. Dudes' trunks seem to get bigger every year. The only guys sporting this look in the States are on vacation from other continents. Might as well be from other planets.
So, I paid for the jungle print and got out of there. I still didn't know if I would have the guts to wear it in public. That all changed once I was out on the sand. As I looked around and saw everyone else letting it all breathe, well, I knew I was on the right continent. The right planet. The one where everyone looks happy just being who they are.
Still helps to have her beside you in pictures.
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