Don't Miss It

Five plus months now separate me from the American life I once lived. There's a ton of stuff I miss and there's also a lot that I surprisingly don't.

Everything listed below are things that at some point I would have told you I could never go without. Now that I'm living without them, I realize how easy they were to let go of.

Cable TV

Let's start with an easy one. Never in the last 50 years has it been this easy to not own a TV. My TV a few months ago was the thing I positioned furniture around. Here in Brazil, it's the thing that we plug my computer into when we want to watch Netflix.

Yes, it's true that when I turn on the few free channels we get, they're all in Portuguese and usually are telenovelas featuring very good looking people crying profusely. Yet, I don't miss my American programming at all. Nothing. The feeling was almost immediate upon moving here.

Want to watch a TV show? It's online. You may have to wait 24 hours to stream it, but that's no different than DVR-ing it. Or you can download it for free in podcast form. Or there's YouTube. The point is, whether it's the movie of the week or the big game, you will find it. I haven't missed anything that I really wanted to see since leaving.

Air Conditioning/Heat

Some full disclosure: While Dani and I have not had any heating or air conditioning since arriving, we likely will buy a portable AC unit before next Summer hits. How quality will that little box be? Probably pretty weak compared to the central cooling I used to swear by.

This was honestly one of my biggest reservations about coming to Brazil. I used to need my room at a constant 72 no matter the season outside. I pictured no AC as an endless sweat session.

That's changed now. The transition was so much easier than I expected. The big surprise was how normal our place feels when the temperature is anywhere between 50-90 degrees outside. Our inside temperature never hits extremes.

I realize that, depending on where one lives, not having heat or AC can be life threatening. I'm not advocating wiping it off the planet. I will have both of these luxuries again in the future. What will be different is how much I use it. My energy footprint has gone from a bulky men's size 15 down to a women's three.

Best part of all? Just like not opening a cable bill each month, I no longer dread seeing our power bill. Dani and I are averaging US $16/month now. 

Open some windows. Get out some blankets. It's a beautiful thing.

A Car

...But only because I'm living in a Manhattan-like area where owning a car is as much a burden as it is a blessing. Still, if you ever find yourself in this kind of environment, I say drop the car. I have no idea what gas costs anymore and that's a good feeling.

Dishwasher

It's really not that bad.

Good 'Ol Southern Cooking

I didn't expect this one. I love southern cooking. Mary's Diner in Danville, VA is my favorite restaurant on earth.

Still, the hole in my heart for this stuff is a fraction of the size of the ones for Mexican, Thai, Five Guys, Ben and Jerry's and others.

It probably helps that I'm in Brazil where rice, beans and collard greens are a staple of the typical dinner plate. I admit that if I was in Shanghai this scenario would probably be different.

Tipping

Funny that as America moves towards a more Social form of healthcare, we still push deep into a Capitalist wasteland with low low wages + tipping. Tip jars are everywhere in America and it's putting a smile on no one's face.

In Brazil, there is no tipping and I don't miss it for one single second. Even if I'm paying 5-20% more, knowing that I don't have to tack on extra cash at the end of a meal or car ride is an honest stress relief.

Also, eliminating tipping really frees up the experience of going out to eat or drink. The expectation of a tip creates an annoying bond between your table and a server. That server becomes your link to the outside world. Ever get a bad server and have to ask another one to intervene? It's like trying to flag down a rescue boat as you swim away from the Titanic.

With no tipping, everyone is in it together. There's no need to rely on one person or worse yet, have to settle up with a person early because their shift is about to end.

I guarantee a happier America overnight when tipping is eliminated.

The Continent

Five months ago this moment I was in the sky making my way down to South America.

Since then, I've been in one city the whole time. Five months. Only São Paulo. It was a relief at first. No flights. No cars. No bags to pack. I got to settle into home.

Lately, though, I've felt something different. An itch. I want to get back out there. This big continent. The bottom of the planet.

It will never be this close or this cheap (in comparison) again.

In my ultra-unscientific opinion, here's the top ten places worth visiting in South America and my thoughts on each.

10. Machu Picchu, Peru 

I rank Machu Picchu at the bottom of the list because I've never really had any interest in going there.  I think my reason is this: Look at the above picture. How many pictures of Machu Picchu have you ever seen that aren't from this exact same angle?

Now, I'm sure you could find some on Google and send them to me. And maybe your friend has some from his trip last year. I don't care. Machu Picchu is like that annoying girl we all know who has to take every photo with her head tilted a certain way. She's convinced it's her best angle.

Added to the trouble is that I've always thought of Machu as being a suburb of Peru's capital city, Lima. Not so. It's no where close to Lima or anything else. That means long rides in the mountains, and in South America that means tightly-packed vans with strangers. Count me out.

Also, there's altitude sickness to cope with and I'm not going to play around with that stuff. I've heard enough horror stories over the years to know it has to be the most disrespected medical condition out there. Thin air + Any exercise and/or one drop of alcohol = Big trouble.

I have to say the thing that most intrigues me about Machu is its recent phenomenon of streakers. It's become such a problem, the Peruvian government has actually had to publicly ask tourists to stop getting naked there. This I would like to see. Something that definitely will not be captured from just one angle.

Verdict: Can almost guarantee I'll never have the chance to take the picture above or streak it.

9. Buenos Aires, Argentina

Argentina is Brazil's Maryland. Or it's my new Maryland, anyway.

If this analogy doesn't make sense to you, replace the word Maryland with your city/state/country's dreaded rival. Or go to Northern Virginia and ask anyone you meet to break it down for you.

Buenos Aires was the toast of the continent a few decades ago. It's since fallen on hard times. Luckily for 99.8% of the world that doesn't live there, this means big savings. Buenos Aires, once you get there, is dirt cheap. I'm talking US $50 per night for a four-star hotel cheap.

I do want to see the Good Airs while I'm in the neighborhood, but it's unlikely I'll go just for the heck of it. Hopefully, I can roll it in as a layover to destinations elsewhere.

Verdict: Ehh.

8. Cartagena, Colombia

Cartagena is one of those places where people say, "You just gotta go! You gotta go!"

The Caribbean is a pretty undeniable force of beauty. And Colombia, with its distanced troubled past, looks like a fun spot to let loose. The colorful Spanish architecture of Cartagena makes everything go down even easier.

Best of all, Cartagena is located--according to my map--exactly at the halfway point between me and you (if you're reading this on the Mid-Atlantic coast).

So, who wants to meet up?

Verdict: Just waiting on you.

7. Santiago, Chile

I don't know a lot about Santiago. It may be an exciting place or a boring one. I rank it here because I'm also lumping in the Andes Mountains.

Chile is one of those amazing places that mixes sea and cliffs. One weekend in Santiago with a rental car means both world-class skiing and some splashing around. I want to see it, baby.

Verdict: Gotta get there before an earthquake surely wipes it from the planet.

6. Iguazu Falls

Iguazu Falls, located on the border of Argentina and Brazil, is hard to be ambivalent about.  Just look at it. How many other vertical bodies of water do people declare as Better Than Niagara Falls? Not many.

But I ask this, after exploring Iguazu Falls, is there a nearby disaster-prone professional football team I can watch? Not exactly a full-fledged vacation now, is it?

Verdict: Go Bills.

5. Fernando de Noronha, Brazil

I had never heard of Fernando de Noronha before I met Dani. When I asked her about honeymoon spots and she mentioned it, my eyes narrowed. Even as she described it, I didn't know what she was talking about.

I Googled the place and within minutes the matter was settled. No other applicants needed.

Now when we tell Brazilians where we're going, their eyes light up and their mouths pucker into a little O. "Oooouuuhhhhh," they say. "Beleza."

Fernando is a seven-square-mile island located several hours off the coast of Brazil just a hair below the Equator. There's very few people or things to see there. The island is a prized environmental jewel that nature desperately wants to keep out of the dirty hands of humans.

The amount of people allowed onto the island at any time is heavily regulated by the government. Its surrounding reefs and aquatic wildlife form a delicate ecosystem. Because of this, humans have to actually pay a fine for every day they're there. Why? Because they're, well, humans.

It's this kind of seclusion that recently won Fernando the ranking of World's Best Beach.

Like a three year old who wants so badly to hold a puppy even though we don't realize how tight our grip is, still we humans try to go there. Dani and I are lucky to get the chance. Fernando isn't cheap to get to when you're in Brazil. From beyond Brazil, outrageous.

We're going to make the most of the opportunity.

Verdict: See you shortly, sweetheart.

4. Easter Island, Chile

Easter Island is right up there with Greenland, Svalbard and Tasmania as places me and probably everyone else never expects to go to. This expert-level Stonehenge is not an easy or cheap trip, even from Chile.

And once you're there, what are supposed to do? I don't know. I mean, is there anything there other than the big heads? Who cares. How insane would it be to strike a pose with these straight-faced characters?

Verdict: Sure would be awesome. Probably won't happen.

3. The Amazon Rainforest

Spend a few minutes reading anything about the Amazon and it's hard not to be fascinated.

For me, the literary exploration was Candice Millard's "The River of Doubt." It tells the story of Theodore Roosevelt's journey up an unmapped Amazon tributary AFTER his presidency.

Millard spends much of the book writing about the unparalleled cross section of nature that is every square foot of the Amazon Rainforest. Her stuff should replace each Earth Science textbook I was assigned growing up that yawned through the subject matter.

The story also completely scared me away from ever setting foot in this jungle. Whether it's the flesh-ripping piranhas, the clouds of eye-sucking flies or that one little critter that loves to burrow--and then balloon up--inside of a man's only non-negotiable, the message was delivered loud and clear: Humans don't belong there.

If there's one argument for anything Green, it's the Amazon. Come on, folks. We've only got one of these.

Verdict: Thanks but no thanks.

2. Rio de Janeiro, Brazil

The way I describe Rio is this: If there were no humans on Earth, and aliens landed here, Rio would be the first place they set up.

The Marvelous City is something every man, woman and child should see. Unlike the above mentioned Machu Picchu, when you're in Rio, the city never looks the same. Depending on the street you're driving/the hotel window you're looking out of/the beach you're laying on, you are seeing something completely different. Something brand new. Something that you have to photograph and share with others.

Rio has 10,000 different poses. Every one of them is a supermodel.

Brazilians have this expression they often lament about their country (and its flaws): "Brazil is the country of the future and it always will be." The same could be said about Rio. If Rio can ever put on the tuxedo its worthy of, it will unquestionably be the greatest city in the world.

Verdict: US $130 roundtrip flights daily.

1. Patagonia

There are few things I've ever wanted to do as badly as I want to go to the bottom of planet, home of Patagonia. I've been looking at it a lot, especially lately.

Like some other places on this list, there's no cheap way to get there, even from here. Worse yet: Kayak loves to play this joke on me where I search dozens and dozens of flights, finally find an itinerary for under US $500, click it, and then it says, "Sorry. This fare is no longer available. The new fare is $5834896298346928349623.

Good one, Kayak.

Patagonia makes me want to do things I can't describe. It makes me want to do whatever that ineffable thing is that we as humans do. Plot. Discover. Lust.

I want to get lost in it. I want to evaporate into it. I want to pull my rental car over, get out, take a picture of Dani with a penguin, steer back onto a road where we've seen no one else for hours, and then just drive at the mountains as hard as I can. As hard as a car can go. As hard as the world will allow.

Verdict: Kayak, please, just this once.

Renee

Easily some of the best days of my life were spent right around this time of year at a week-long camp called Joy Explosion. It was a church youth group gathering held on the campus of Bridgewater College. Probably 500 or so attended. I got to go during my middle school years.

Joy Explosion was a spiritual experience, but just as much a social one for my friends and me. We got to sleep in Bridgewater's dorms, meet new friends from different places, select sessions to attend and do whatever we wanted during the coveted three-hour free time block each afternoon. It was essentially a teaser for college. I loved every second of it.

While we all made cool friends from around the state, our group from Mt. Hermon Baptist Church formed a special bond with a group from Mechanicsville, VA. Well, to be more accurate, the boys from Mt. Hermon tried to spend as much time as possible with their girls.

Star among them was Renee Saunders. I remember Renee being one of the most fun girls I had ever met. A beautiful smile, quick laugh and an upbeat attitude towards all of the excitement swirling around us at camp.

I only got to see Renee for two, maybe three, week-long periods of my life, but I remember her better than many people I graduated with. I've occasionally thought of her every year since then, and I know that if things were different and we had grown up in the same area, Renee would have been a close friend the whole way through.

It broke my heart this morning to learn she passed away suddenly this week. She was 30.

Renee and I lost touch in our high school years, but from seeing her afar on Facebook and reading her obituary now, clearly she lived the remainder of her life having the same effect on everyone else as she did on me. She graduated from college and became an elementary school teacher, taking special interest in children coming from poverty.

She fell in love and was married. Three years ago she became a mother. I can only imagine what those two and the rest of her family and close friends are going through now.

To me, Renee will always be that awesome girl from Richmond at Joy Explosion. The one you want to hang out on the lawn with. To go to the snack bar with. The one you hope sits at your table at lunch. My friends Stuart, Amanda, Will and others still remember all these times with great fondness.

Back then, when you checked in on that first exciting day, you got your room key and a long thread key chain so you could keep it around your neck. We all wore ours with pride. Afterwards, I kept mine and attached it to my personal keys where it stayed in my pocket, until it finally wore down into small pieces just a few years ago.

I keep the few inches I have left of it now in one of my jackets. Whenever I wear that jacket and put my hand in the left pocket, I feel that frayed string and think about Joy Explosion. I think about all of us there. Especially Renee.

Joy Explosion, probably 1998. Middle row, second person, blue shirt, next to the guy in sunglasses: Renee.

Back In

The good news of the month is that I've been rehired by my company back home. When I moved here in February, I had to leave my previous position. I was lucky at the time to be given a four-month contract with them on a new project, which kept things running smoothly for a while.

But as the final weeks of that contract peeled off the calendar, and June abruptly became July, the tension in the Davidson Lima household exponentially rose. Money for our wedding is flying out the door these days and the threat of no incoming funds on my horizon made for some sleepless nights.

Worse yet, landing this role was basically my only option for (legal) employment. It's nearly impossible for a Brazilian company to (legally) hire a foreigner. The company has to pay enormous fees, complete an endless amount of paperwork and, most importantly, prove that no Brazilian is capable of doing the job the foreigner has been hired for. So, unless you're LeBron James or the corpse of Steve Jobs, you're not getting a (legal) gig here.

My only option in that scenario would be teaching English. Not that there's no money in it. The demand from the business community here for native English speakers is massive. I could start work tomorrow and make US $30-60 a class. Class means I just sit with some executive in his office and have a conversation for an hour. There are worse ways to spend your day.

The transition, though, especially at a busy time like this would have been overload. To be completely honest, were it not for this job, and we had to rely on just one income instead of two, this whole Brazilian ride would likely come to a close long before Dani and me intended. That's not how I imagined things ending.

Thankfully all of that is behind us now and I'm back in the mix full time. Instead of mere weeks, my calendar now has whole months on it that stretch deep into 2015.

And that calendar is looking ridiculous. Starting July 24 through September 7, every single day I will either have friends in town or be traveling. That's 45 straight days. Not so busy that first week, but when August hits, it's full court press time until mid-September.

And a wedding is in there somewhere too. That little thing.

My company is based in Alexandria, so a ticket for a business meeting is far more of a blessing than it ever has been before. A chance to make money and go home. What more can you ask for?

Soon enough, I will be doing the unthinkable. Imagine this: Quitting your job, moving out of your home and relocating halfway around the world. A few months go by. Then you go back to that same residence, sleep in your old bed, in your old room, wake up and drive the same route to that same job you used to have and potentially even sit in the very same desk where you used to sit. It's the closest thing to time travel I can think of. I get to experience that soon and I couldn't be more thrilled.

Added to all this, my new role is a quality one. It combines some of my old responsibilities with some new areas for growth. A step up and a new challenge rolled into one.

There's also the matter of non-business related travel. South America is a massive continent with a few destinations that I never thought I could hit in this lifetime. Within the next week, now that I've got a stable job, I'm trying to pull the trigger on tickets to one of them. I can't wait to turn this man-that-would-be-crazy-awesome dream into a reality.

Things are looking up down here. Come see us and join in the fun.

Miss You, Boo

The Big End

So, you saw it too. Maybe just the highlights. Or you might have watched it live. You yelled into the next room, "Honey, come in here. You have to see this." Or you were at a bar. Or still at work.

No matter where, you saw it and then you had to find someone else and you had to talk about it. You did it in person and you joined the record-breaking social media crowd and hash tagged every drop out of it. It had to be talked about. It was too crazy to exist alone. It had to be confirmed by others.

That's probably the only real difference between watching the game anywhere else in the world and watching it in Brazil (or Germany). Here, we did not talk. The bar a few blocks from our place where Dani and I nearly had to hold our ears prior to the start of the game, they did not talk about it. The place was empty thirty minutes into the game. Bodies were still in seats--every seat--but the place was clearly empty. For two hours, the country was absolutely silent.

People wondered if there would be riots. Violence. Some kind of visceral reaction. It was plausible, right? It's a country with violence issues and they love one thing more than any other. But no. Aside from a few sporadic incidents, there was no response from the 200 million. 

Brazil recoiled and walked home. I wiped Dani's tears. I gave the doorman a hug. We all fell asleep a little early.

I'll be both sad and relieved when the World Cup is over. Sad that the action is gone. Relieved that I don't have to deal with the stress.

Not the stress of protests or amplified traffic, but of watching my teams. Rarely do I fully give myself to any team, but at this Cup I cut my heart in half and gave it equally to the US and Brazil. They both were successful early and it sucked me further in. Then, once I was really involved, I realized that soccer is easily the most stressful sport to watch as a fan. Unless you have a two-goal lead there is absolutely no coasting. I'm glad to finally have a break.

I was laughing with Dani the other day. There are hardcore soccer fans here. There are also hardcore protestors against the World Cup. After this week, I don't know what either is supposed to do.

If the experience of living here during the Cup has opened my eyes to anything that I might otherwise have missed, it's the level of corruption that comes with these games. Brazil spent a staggering US $11B and I'm not sure how many decades it will take for them to see dividends on that, if they ever will.

Right now, as you read this, the nation of Qatar is preparing for the 2022 World Cup. The stadiums there are being built by slave laborers. An average of one person per day is dying in this operation. It's something that absolutely would never happen in the US.

Likewise, it's insane to watch FIFA parade around this, "Say No To Racism" campaign. In both the US and Brazil, we don't ask fans to make a decision on racism, we choose for them. There's no place for it in the Western Hemisphere. 

FIFA, on the other hand...well...they're still asking. 

Please don't wear blackface to the game. 

Please don't throw bananas at black players. 

Please don't trespass onto the field covered in Nazi propaganda.

(Fun fact: Two of the three things above happened during this Cup alone.)

In America, when Donald Sterling says something racist in the privacy of his home we ban him for life and hijack something he owns. In Brazil, when you say something racist, you've committed an actual crime. There's nothing to decide. It's been decided.

FIFA are the kings of looking the other way in favor of money. I can't think of a more despicable organization.

Yet, there's a lot I'll miss about this World Cup:

-Putting on green and yellow and seeing countless others on the street wearing the same.

-Watching the games on Brazil's Globo Network. Not understanding the commentary, except for one long, dramatic, drawn-out word.

-Seeing Dani write down the final score of every game in her little World Cup fan pamphlet.

-Singing along with the World Cup theme music during each commercial break. Did this play in the US? It was basically on a loop here.

-Seeing the streets of São Paulo turn into a ghost town at game time.

-Watching the US at the local gringo bar. Becoming friends with everyone I met who spoke English.

-The random fireworks when Brazil scored.

-Singing the World Cup theme music as a response to questions Dani asked me or as a point of punctuation at the end of certain sentences.

-Going to the grocery store during an important (non-Brazil) game and seeing every register wide open.

-Watching former Brazilian superstar Ronaldo awkwardly join the Globo commentary team and contribute a grand total of nothing during every game.

-Meeting other foreigners from around the world and getting to say that I live here.

It was a fun time. See you in 2018.

Avenida Vente Tres de Maio normally.

Avenida Vente Tres de Maio during a game.

An Innocent Man

-People keep asking me what's going to happen here if Brazil loses. I don't want to find out. When we win, it's a barrage of car horns, sketchy fireworks, strangers yelling, clapping, hugging, kissing.

Here's a video I recorded in the São Paulo Metro an entire hour after the Chile game.

The tunnel between Paulista and Consolação stations.

-Last Friday night was my lowest moment here in Brazil. As Dani and I were setting up to host some friends for taco night, she pulled a chair into the kitchen to get the blender down from a cabinet. I told her not to be silly, that I would get it for her. I reached up on my tip toes and pulled the appliance.

Down with it came the circular blade of the food processor. It caught Dani right on the face, slicing her cheek open. The moment happened so fast that Dani wasn't even sure she was cut until the first stream of blood ran down her chin.

It's exactly what every bride wants two months before her wedding.

The blade. Sharp as a razor.

-It's the 4th of July, but my homesickness is at a minimum. I credit this to three things: 1) I'm feeling more at home here in Brazil, 2) 9/11 makes me feel the most patriotic, and 3) My first trip back to the States is on the horizon.

-I spent that entire taco night and most of the next three days apologizing to Dani. She couldn't walk into a room without me telling her how sorry I was. I think all the apologies annoyed her at first. After about 24 hours, it got to the point where she was feeling sorry for me.

The accident ruined that Friday night for me. Dani took the whole thing in stride. She bandaged herself up and went on to have a good time. Not me. For days I couldn't stand myself.

-The World Cup has been a relatively smooth ride for the city so far. I've seen two protests since the start of the games. One of them yesterday shut down Avenida Paulista, the financial center of the city. 

Almost all protests are organized and peaceful. A lot of them have a party feel, which I think is what naturally happens when a lot of Brazilians get together.

-For the World Cup, the city's Metro system has added English announcements. It's something both English and Portuguese speakers agree is hilarious. The recorded female voice that plays before each stop says, and I quote, "Next-ee station..." 

How can you not nail the pronunciation on the two word announcement that's going to play thousands of times? Did the Metro only give her one take in the booth? Did no one who speaks English step in and say, "Let's run that back one more time?"

Basically every time it plays, Brazilian riders laugh and repeat it out loud. I don't think they're laughing at the pronunciation, but simply for the fact that they're hearing an English announcement. Brazil doesn't announce anything in English.

-Dani sported a bandaid for about six days. For me, it was a constant reminder of what I had done. 

It was also an attention-grabber that neither of us wanted. Her first day out of the house, she overheard a woman say to her friends, "I bet her husband did that."

Nothing upsets a man more than being falsely accused of intentionally hurting a woman. Especially his woman.

-The anticipation of coming back to America is overwhelming. You know that cliche about foreigners coming to the Land of Opportunity and expecting it to be paradise? I understand that completely. I feel the same way.

-Dani's cheek is almost completely healed now. The bandaid is off and it looks like she's suffered nothing more than a decent scratch. A little makeup on top of that and it's basically invisible. We don't anticipate there being a permanent scar. Even if the scratch stayed, I have to say she looks pretty badass with it.

We used to have this joke that I could win any argument by saying, "I moved to Brazil to be with you." It's the ultimate trump card, or was, rather, until that infamous taco night. Now when we argue, all she'll have to do is say "blender" and I'm done.

The picture that will forever make me hate myself. A thousand times, baby, I'm sorry.