Friday, July 4, 2014

An Innocent Man

-People keep asking me what's going to happen here if Brazil loses. I don't want to find out. When we win, it's a barrage of car horns, sketchy fireworks, strangers yelling, clapping, hugging, kissing.

Here's a video I recorded in the São Paulo Metro an entire hour after the Chile game.


The tunnel between Paulista and Consolação stations.

-Last Friday night was my lowest moment here in Brazil. As Dani and I were setting up to host some friends for taco night, she pulled a chair into the kitchen to get the blender down from a cabinet. I told her not to be silly, that I would get it for her. I reached up on my tip toes and pulled the appliance.

Down with it came the circular blade of the food processor. It caught Dani right on the face, slicing her cheek open. The moment happened so fast that Dani wasn't even sure she was cut until the first stream of blood ran down her chin.

It's exactly what every bride wants two months before her wedding.

The blade. Sharp as a razor.

-It's the 4th of July, but my homesickness is at a minimum. I credit this to three things: 1) I'm feeling more at home here in Brazil, 2) 9/11 makes me feel the most patriotic, and 3) My first trip back to the States is on the horizon.

-I spent that entire taco night and most of the next three days apologizing to Dani. She couldn't walk into a room without me telling her how sorry I was. I think all the apologies annoyed her at first. After about 24 hours, it got to the point where she was feeling sorry for me.

The accident ruined that Friday night for me. Dani took the whole thing in stride. She bandaged herself up and went on to have a good time. Not me. For days I couldn't stand myself.

-The World Cup has been a relatively smooth ride for the city so far. I've seen two protests since the start of the games. One of them yesterday shut down Avenida Paulista, the financial center of the city. 

Almost all protests are organized and peaceful. A lot of them have a party feel, which I think is what naturally happens when a lot of Brazilians get together.

-For the World Cup, the city's Metro system has added English announcements. It's something both English and Portuguese speakers agree is hilarious. The recorded female voice that plays before each stop says, and I quote, "Next-ee station..." 

How can you not nail the pronunciation on the two word announcement that's going to play thousands of times? Did the Metro only give her one take in the booth? Did no one who speaks English step in and say, "Let's run that back one more time?"

Basically every time it plays, Brazilian riders laugh and repeat it out loud. I don't think they're laughing at the pronunciation, but simply for the fact that they're hearing an English announcement. Brazil doesn't announce anything in English.

-Dani sported a bandaid for about six days. For me, it was a constant reminder of what I had done. 

It was also an attention-grabber that neither of us wanted. Her first day out of the house, she overheard a woman say to her friends, "I bet her husband did that."

Nothing upsets a man more than being falsely accused of intentionally hurting a woman. Especially his woman.

-The anticipation of coming back to America is overwhelming. You know that cliche about foreigners coming to the Land of Opportunity and expecting it to be paradise? I understand that completely. I feel the same way.

-Dani's cheek is almost completely healed now. The bandaid is off and it looks like she's suffered nothing more than a decent scratch. A little makeup on top of that and it's basically invisible. We don't anticipate there being a permanent scar. Even if the scratch stayed, I have to say she looks pretty badass with it.

We used to have this joke that I could win any argument by saying, "I moved to Brazil to be with you." It's the ultimate trump card, or was, rather, until that infamous taco night. Now when we argue, all she'll have to do is say "blender" and I'm done.

The picture that will forever make me hate myself. A thousand times, baby, I'm sorry.


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