JMD in Brazil: The Ugly City

My mother and a friend visited me a week ago. Next week, I have another friend coming to town. More guests are expected in the next few months. Perhaps even you, I hope.

In each case, people inevitably ask, "What is there to do in São Paulo?" My answer is an honest one: "Nothing. Just eat and have fun."

It sounds like a depressing answer, but I've recently realized it's something of a perfect fit for me. When I travel, that's all I really want to do. Eat. Have fun. Eat. Have fun.

I pretty much hate seeing anything. When my friend Stuart and I went to Amsterdam and Paris in 2010, I didn't want to see the Anne Frank House or Versailles. When we forced ourselves to visit Napoleon's Tomb, we spent the whole time quoting Napoleon Dynamite. The closest we got to true culture was when we walked up to the Louvre, realized it was closed that day and then breathed a sigh of relief.

What I'll remember about Paris is sitting in cafes with Stu, drinking wine and writing. I'll remember the best pizza I've ever had. I'll remember the locals being delighted that my name was Jean Marc. I'll remember going to a bar and meeting a French girl with shoulder-length hair. I'll remember her putting her head on my shoulder as we danced. I'll remember her whispering in my ear that the love of her life had died days before. I'll remember her leaving.

That was a pretty damn Parisian experience if you ask me. Oh, and I took my photo with the Eiffel Tower, too. USA. USA.

In this same way, São Paulo is much more about the food and the people than the sights or the photographs. First off, there may not be a uglier city on the planet than this one. It's just 15-story-high beige concrete as far as the eye can see. Luckily, the youth have spruced the place up head to toe with graffiti. There's no real landmark to take your picture with. No beach. No mountains. No significant points of history that I'm aware of. There's shopping malls and that's it.

There are only two ways to occupy yourself here: Eat and have fun. And in these areas, the city truly excels.

Visit me here and I probably won't take you to the Museum of the Portuguese Language, but I will take you to Segredos de Minas where you will promptly lose your mind over some Brazilian home cooking. We'll get fresh banana bread from the bakery around the corner. We'll get gelato at Bacio di Latte, where if you trust me and bypass the tiramisu or chocolate banana and instead get the "Kiss of Milk," you will then join me in lying down in the street because you know that life will never get better than this moment.

I'll take you to Rua Augusta on a Friday night where you can get a drink from a street vendor and just lean against a brick wall enjoying the night. If you're single, romance is never more than 30 seconds from walking by. If you're with someone, your arm will never feel more natural around their shoulder. I think that's when I love Dani the most down here, when we're just walking down the street.

As amazing as the food is, Brazil's number one asset will always be its people. They're fun and kind and after you say hello and share a kiss on the cheek, you get the sense they'll look after you the rest of your life. It makes for a pretty great trip. One that probably won't turn into a scrapbook.